Jobs for Conan O

[Full-time] international superspy by day, wisecracking newlywed by night at The future Mrs. O'Brien

2010-01-26 14:02:49

Location: global
Description:

Your tenure as my crimefighting partner / husband includes (but is not necessarily limited to) the following duties:

supplying our SPF 50 for eavesdropping on bad guys on the beaches of San Tropez and any resulting speedboat chases herein

busting out sweet-ass dance moves in the discos of Paris while staking out international drug cartels

coming up with a new girl-power quip every time I shoot a henchman (e.g., Never send a henchman to do a woman’s job, A woman needs a henchman like a henchman needs a blood transfusion, etc.)

rescuing me from weekly kidnappings

tearing up at my bedside for the total duration of seasonal cliffhanger comas

general awesomeness

You must meet the following qualifications:

Attention to detail and the ability to read and follow directions is very important.

Good oral and written communications skills are highly desirable.

Must have strong skills using Excel, Power Point, and 9mm handguns. Experience with Access and kickboxing is a plus.

Must fund the liposuction and face transplant necessary for me to become an international superspy / wife of a millionaire.

I am proud to be a discriminating employer pro-redhead, anti-chin. I maintain a drug-free, cocktail-heavy workplace.

Apply to this job

[Full-time] Dental Hygenist at T. H. Eman

2010-01-25 22:41:15

Location: Indiana
Description:

Well, I’ve always hated flossing my own teeth- and I’ve got 5 bucks….soo……ya

Also, my gutters need cleaned (but not with floss).

Apply to this job

[Full-time] Entertainment Director on a Cruise Ship at Joe Schmoe

2010-01-23 12:14:50

Location:
URL: http://www.joeschmoe.com

Description:

Call it the CONA CRUISE and have conan as the entertainment for dinner shows!! Yeah!

Apply to this job

[Late-night] Uber Superman with Beer Hat ON at SuperBeerhatman

2010-01-22 14:05:45

Location: Local Tavern
Description:

Hello Conan O’ Brien

World’s in trouble. It needs you in this beer hat. BAAAAD!

Thing is only you can afford to be the Super Superman with the Beer Hat on!

So PLEEEZE

Don your Super cape and put this Beer Hat On and help us! The World on you Depends.

And that ain’t just my adult diaper talkin’

Apply to this job

[Full-time] Fill in for the Chairman at the Mafia Benefit at Papa Bear

2010-01-22 13:15:45

Location: Reno
Description:

Conan

The Rodent Pack got together and wanted to send you there regards.

They said anytime you want to do a stand in for the Chairman you are welcome to come.

Word has it there is a big benefit for the Mafia coming up in February in Reno if you’ve got sometime and want to get in on the ground floor.

It’s cake, you come in, howya’ doin’ folks? great to be here, blah, blah, blah, have a few drinks, stink your way through a few old moldy show tunes, you’re the greatest audience in the world and

BAM

You get paid, crowd hits them house favored tables, Maf makes their money, everybody’s happy.

You go home (or not) love the old lady (or not) and hey, nobody gets hurt, right? At least that didn’t have it coming.

Apply to this job

[Full-time] my manwhore at meagan

2010-01-21 23:07:46

Location:
Description:

conan…

FT is a must… i’m in my early 30’s after all. huhuhuhu….hi …wink

No payment. i’ll expect that you’ll pay for our lov-enture since u got the ca-zash anyways …remember i’m looking into you’re heart not you’re wallet (well maybe just a peak)

no one else need apply… conan i know you’ll know how to get a hold of me (since we’re soul mates n shit – i mean unless their wallet is thicker …no hard feelins …right?)

gawd really… i can’t publish this w/o giving an email address … well f*ck time to make one up.

Apply to this job

[Full-time] Financial Guru at Brice Horsely Seederman

2010-01-21 12:29:58

Location: New York
URL: http://www.sterlinglockman.com

Description:

Sterling-Lockman Associates needs someone who understands credit default swaps and collateralized debt obligations.

We sold a bunch of these and now we’re not doing too good.

Also, what is “selling short”?

Thanks.

Brice Horsely Seederman
President and CEO
Sterling-Lockman Associates
600 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY 10022

Member FDIC

Apply to this job

[Part-time] Guy who lifts things at Vinnie

2010-01-20 12:27:46

Location: Queens
Description:

Need a guy to help put stuff on a truck.

No money, but I got beer.

I’m out at the docks.

Apply to this job

[Freelance] Vampire Hunter at Our names are erased from history

2010-01-20 11:56:02

Location: The darkest corners of Europe
URL: http://www.vanhelsing.net

Description:

We are a hidden cult of the Catholic Church.

We’re seeking a man with a past he cannot recall and a mission he cannot deny. His gift — his curse — is to vanquish evil.

This crusader will hunt the mythic creatures that stalk the night, ridding the world of humanity’s last nightmares.

He will roam the globe as an outcast, a loner, a fugitive, himself hunted by the authorities for reasons they don’t understand.

Your deeds will be legendary. Your enemies will be legion.

Your quest begins tonight. Follow the final point of the compass to the Scarlet Mountain. Tell no one.

Apply to this job

[Full-time] Weekend Anchor/Backpack Journalist at Last Place News Station

2010-01-20 01:16:03

Location: Madison, WI
Description:

We’re looking for a person to anchor our weekend newscasts and report/shoot/edit during the week! Candidates must have at least 2 years experience and be able to deliver under a tight deadline!

Apply to this job